headspace | social media

Sabrina told me multiple times to just let this thing go; I would…until I get another private messages or texts or verbal comments about how I go around with my social presence. To be fair, I didn’t get that many of them, because if I received a lot of it, that’s a red flag that I’m doing something that needs proper reconsiderations.

.

Honestly, I think I’ve grown thick-skinned. I believe that I’m more aware of myself and I’m more comfortable in being me. But it’s never pleasant when people look at you as if they know everything that’s going on in your life. The things that come out of my mouth, my writings, and my social media posts are magnified, and they create certain illusions of what people think I am.

.

It gets me nervous when I get private messages of people confiding in me because I am well aware that I am far from the pedestal they put me on. I encourage people to be kind. I encourage people to work hard. I encourage people to have fun. But there are times that I too, am not kind, choosing to be a potato, and choose to isolate myself from a night out.

.

One thing said to me recently that hurt me was “…not everyone in XXX (social media) needs to know about it” in the context of sharing travel pictures. I’m not going to lie. It makes me self-conscious and wary of what I’m writing or sharing since.

.

.

I tried to talk about it with Sabrina, before I realised that I am my own person with my own limits and boundaries. Whatever it is that I do, it depends on my intention. If showing pictures of my travels and my outings with friends came from a place of me wanting to document my journey to recovery and my life, may be received as showing off to some…what’s not to say that a situation where I serve charity to the poor that, while it may be perceived “good and well” by people, came from a place of pride and wanting to show off and look good?

.

I’m not going to lie, that comment lingers in my mind for days (still in my mind the moment I write this). I told Rui Shian about it because I want to make sure if the thoughts I’m having is normal or is it one of those spiralling anxiety thoughts. It really bothers me. If it comes from someone I barely know, or an acquaintance, I couldn’t care any less. But this time the comment came from someone I deeply care about. Rui Shian told me it’s a typical human reaction and reminded me to be careful not to compare myself to others because that’s when it becomes not normal and detrimental.

.

You want to know something. Although I always say that the world needs more kindness (I still believe in it), I don’t want to only tell my (future) children that. People need to be stronger too, because you cannot wait for people to be kind or to stop commenting negative things about you. We cannot control how others react to us, but we have the control over ourselves.

.

.

I won’t go around blaming other people in regards to how they perceive me. I put myself out here, and I made a choice to share. I started that way with my Facebook account, Instagram, Snapchat, and this website. Although I have boundaries and limits on each medium, I don’t feel the need to clarify it to people unless asked (because that’s just weird 😅). When I don’t post anything for a period of time, I’d get texts from friends, family, and mum asking if I’m alright. So, in a way, I do feel pressure to post something. Not every day lah. I’m only socially active during school break, let’s be honest here hahaha.

.

As I read from Vivy Yusof’s interview some time ago, I believe that we have to be able to ground ourselves and see the good in things. I’m an optimist/realist. With social media, we have to know how to play the game and how to use it for our own benefit. We can connect with people, share content, and support each other. Even criticism, some of them are true and may help us improve as a person.

.

One tip I get from mum – when you’re angry or upset, do not act. The foolish thing to do is to act while angry, especially via texts. You will say things you don’t mean, you’re not thinking straight. You are just being defensive. Although I have nothing against texting, I also believe that texts are easily misinterpreted with their lack of non-verbal cues. And there are certain conversations that should not be done via texts. Same goes to social media accounts.

.

.

It’s vital to have a private life in this millennial world, it’s for our own sanity. It comes down to personal preference really –– if we want to share anything or keep it to ourselves or share it privately with friends. For me, I refrain from doing extremes that make me feel restricted and uncomfortable. Although I share a lot about my life and my struggles up online, there are still a large part of me that I keep private. Only because we see some parts of them that a person allows us to see, it does not mean that we “know” the person.

.

p/s I used to tell Max this back in Australia –– people change, that’s inevitable. It may be for the better or for the worse. Hence, we can never really know a person. But that’s the fun in it! We won’t be left stagnant especially in long-term relationships. ☺️

.

.