Hm. I’ve been doing such a good job on staying incognito on social media and on the website. I wanted to give myself some space in 2018 so I can avoid from becoming obsessed with the internet. (Dr G said social media was detrimental to how I see myself.)
.
But tonight, I just can’t brush the feelings away. The recap so far — I’m currently in uni, and yes, still doing medicine. I took real baby steps this year. I was very cautious on putting my mental health first before anything else.
.
So just now, I thought that I’d scrolled up to the pictures of 2016 in my phone. I was doing fine then. Yes, the anxiety symptoms was very bad that time, but life was alright. The pictures made me relived the experience, and it was a good feeling.
.
Until. I scrolled down to the end of 2016 to 2017.
.
I swear I could feel my heart beating faster, my brain was telling me that this was a bad idea, and I just turned off the phone. It left me with a question that made me want to write again after so long — “Why am I still affected by the bad memories?”
.
End of 2016 to 2017 wasn’t my main anxiety trigger, but it was the lowest point I’d ever been in my life. Many things happened during this time, so it’s safe to say I wasn’t fond it.
.
.
I thought I am recovering well. Hence I don’t understand why did my physiology didn’t act…cool? Can someone, anyone, tell me what’s going on? Please?
.
.
nadirahim.com 