dumped

I haven’t written anything for the past 2 weeks. Zero writing. Nothing. As much as I’m excited about the new year, I think I needed some time to comprehend that it’s 2018. It scares me a little to be honest. I am not where I imagined myself to be at this age — not that I had a specific vision on where I’m supposed to be, but the place where I am right now is certainly isn’t it.

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Soo the past few weeks had been a little bit mundane, I went about my usual routine — did the chores, met up with a few friends, and watch many many seasons of the Family Guy (I just discovered how amazing Seth Macfarlane is!). I went on an autopilot mode. Something was missing, but I can’t really point my finger on what.

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Then yesterday happened. I met up with Jia Yin since I wanted to pass him a little Christmas present for Isabelle. While I waited for him when he went to his dentist appointment, I browsed around the bookstore. Haha what’s new, right? 😅 And I saw a book which I saw someone I followed on Instagram recommended a few months back. It’s written by a local writer who also has a blog and a column in the New Straits Times.

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“Oh no, Nadirah. Not another book. You still have a couple more yet-to-be-finished book on your table.” Well, at least that was my brain’s flimsy attempt to prevent me from buying the book. Anddd.. I bought the book. Hahaha! The title was “Dumped” and it caught my interest. But I bought the book because I wish to know more about the writer’s life and her dating adventures (busybody 😛). When Jia Yin saw me holding the book he was like, “You want to be an expert at being dumped by guys, is it?” 😑 Why am I acquainted to you, I don’t understand.

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Surprisingly, I relate soo much with Amal (the writer). She’s 29 years old when she wrote the book. It was as if the wisdoms are given from an older sister. Her principles in her career and in dating resonate so much to mine, which are considered rebellious in the culture we live in. I thought I was the only weird one who doesn’t want to be tied up in a committed romantic relationship when I was in my early twenties. When most of my friends are either married or getting married, I’m happy for them. But I also know that I am not ready for such commitment.

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The early of my twenties had seen me continuously dodging feelings from people. Let’s get something straight, I’m a late bloomer. I don’t know how to handle those giddiness and butterflies! I had always thought that when a guy asked me out it’s almost always platonic. Because duh, why on earth would anyone wants to go out with me? I can’t fathom the idea.

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Oh side story. Right after I finished high school, a boy from school asked me if I want to go out with him. I can’t remember what I said but I declined the offer thinking that “Oh, the boy wants to hang out. I’m not in the mood. He’ll find some other people to hang out with.” A year or so later I told some high school friends about this (well, it just came out in the conversation), and they went, “You IDIOT. He was asking you out on a date!” Oh. My. God.

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That was how clueless I was, guys. To be honest, I was still that clueless for a good couple of years! I’m pretty sure I am still as clueless right now. You need to be down right straight forward with me. 😂 Back to the book, Amal’s views on the things she experienced in her twenties give words to my own views. Before, I couldn’t put my views and principles into words because I was not sure of it. Was it alright to think this way? Was it alright to not yet be ready? Was it weird to have this fear? What am I to do if the relationship doesn’t work? There were all sorts of questions. And Amal answered them all — I have to be brave to try new things. If it doesn’t work, all I have to do is brush myself off and try to move on.

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It’s better to regret what you have done, than what you haven’t. Don’t turn bitter and act ungracefully if a relationship doesn’t work. If you sincerely care about someone, always put the person in your prayers — even if you have to let the person go. Always remember to not lose your dreams and identity when you’re in a relationship. Know what you’re willing and not willing to compromise in a relationship. Ask the hard questions first and lay out the ground rules early in the relationship. These are some of the words that I will treasure from the book.

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Ahh it feels soo good to be able to write again! 😆 There’s so much more to write but I better stop here because…um, we have to keep the mystery alive. Hahaha! Nah, I’m going to bed soon. But it’s nice to see how my views on certain things in life changes as I get older. These were the way I genuinely felt at that point of life. And I’m excited to see where life will take me as I grow older. 😊