I was supposed to be asleep when I scrolled down the blogpost drafts on my phone and I saw this writing. I don’t remember writing this but I reckon it’ll be a good reminder for my future self of my dreams and life plans.
A little back story for you new readers. I studied medicine in Australia since 2014. However, due to the debilitating anxiety symptoms that I’ve experienced for the past 3-4 years, I decided to come back home at the end of 2016 and study medicine in Malaysia whilst receiving proper professional care. There. Since I got a lot of questions regarding my study, I reckon it’d be appropriate to just put it up here. 😊
I’m on the plane back to Malaysia. I stopped calling Malaysia my only home a while ago. Now I have two homes 😊 Malaysia and Australia.
I was legit crying like the emoticon 😭 while waiting to board the plane, and frantically sending thank you texts to everyone 😅. A beautiful soul asked me if I was alright, and gave me some tissues.
SEE, HOW CAN I NOT LOVE THIS PLACE?!
I cried mostly because of the beautiful souls Allah SWT had given me the opportunity to meet and know in these 3 years of me living in Townsville (you know who you are ❤️). Please know that you’ll forever be my friend whom I very much value 😊. Heck, I’m still crying rn, more than an hour into the flight. *cue golf ball eyes later*
To my very very lovely friends in Townsville, I wish nothing but the best for you. Andd.. I am coming to your graduations and be that proud friend who cheer like some crazy lady when the Dean called out your name 😛. You’ll be embarrassed by me, don’t worry.
My GP told me this yesterday:
I believe that you’re good enough to be a doctor, but to be able to be the best doctor you can for your patients, you must first be kind and happy with yourself.
When you’re your best self, that’s when you’re in the best position to help others. Take care of yourself. Don’t worry about when you’ll be graduating – time is relative. You’re hitting rock bottom rn. This is life. Things can only get better now if you don’t give up. Think about all the positive things you learned from this experience and use it for something bigger.
If you know me well enough, you’d know that I trust my gut feelings. And right now, I have a strong intuition that this is not a goodbye. 😉 I almost forgot what the GP told me until I reread this post in the draft. Oh my, I’ve come a long way from where I was a year ago — from the time that I genuinely thought and believed that I had to live with the crippling anxiety symptoms for the rest of my life. If you’re battling with anxiety or depressive symptoms, know that you could live a life without them. Reach out for proper treatments.
When I was in the dark hole of anxiety, I was desperate to find someone, anyone, who could be a living proof that they’re living their best life even with the symptoms. I couldn’t find anyone. However, I received tonnes of words of support and encouragement that I couldn’t let myself give up. Now, if you’re looking for someone who I was looking for, you found her. I experienced severe anxiety and depressive symptoms at some point of my life. Around 4 years I succumbed to the awful thoughts in my head. And now, I’m glad I’m getting better and I strive to live my best life. Wish me good luck! ❤️