I finally managed to drag myself to find a psychologist last Saturday (yay me! 😆). However, as life turned out to be, I met a pretty awesome psychiatrist whom I click with immediately. Basically, I went to The Mind Faculty in the first place because I was drawn to their effort to educate Malaysians about mental health and normalising mental health illness. So I thought that they could provide me a safe place that I need. 😊
I get the feeling that some of the people around me question why I am soo into getting myself a good psychiatrist, a good psychologist, good medications, and good therapies. Why don’t I just deal with it myself, and let time heals? I had a good think about it for some time too.
Whenever I feel like giving up, or when I feel like all my efforts are useless. I ask myself these questions again and again: Do I want to continue living like this, in a constant fear for almost everything around me, or would I rather to deal with it, even if it means that I would have to go through some discomfort? (in regards to medications and therapy)
Of course, in terms of medications, if the side effects are just too annoying and painful, I should talk to my doctor and perhaps alter my management plan. However, never have I experience all those hyped up side effects that are shown in films – which brings me to another point that the film industry needs to do justice in portraying mental illness no matter how boring it is, in order to educate people.
And a dear cousin of mine (whose also a medical doctor) told me this when I told her about my concern with my diagnosis and my decision to proceed with treatments:
“If someone with undiagnosed mental illness go on living their life without acknowledging their illness, it doesn’t mean that it’s not there. And it doesn’t mean that they’re more strong-willed than you. They may feel alright, but we both know that they’re not living to their fullest potential. What you’re doing now is mature. You’re accepting your current condition, and you’re facing the problem head on. That’s at least something to give yourself credit for.”
The anxiety symptoms that I’m experiencing is so much more than the anxiety people experience in day-to-day basis. It’s a chronic and exaggerated worry and tension, even though nothing seems to provoke it. Having the disorder means always anticipating disaster, often worrying excessively about health, money, family, or work. Sometimes, though, the source of the worry is hard to pinpoint. Sometimes, simply the thought of getting through the day provokes anxiety 🙄.