“Will I ever feel ‘normal’ again?”
“Will I ever get over these excessive worrying?”
“Will I ever get to sleep at night?”
“Will I ever not cry myself to sleep?”
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That’s the questions that have been popping in my mind lately. I’ve been diagnosed with severe generalised anxiety disorder for about three years now. I didn’t feel low constantly since – there were ups and downs. However, whenever I felt as if I had the anxiety under control, I felt a sense of doom coming its way. More often than not, it’s true. The anxiety attacks would come again.
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Hm.. Sometimes my conscience gets the better of me, telling myself that I’ve only been on proper treatment for seven months. Give yourself some time, Nadirah! Be patient. Just keep going. It will pass. One day, I hope to look back at my life, and be glad that it happened. 😊
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To be honest, guys. I wouldn’t wish anyone (not even people whom I don’t fancy very much) to experience how it’s like to have generalised anxiety disorder – it’s tiring! Having said that, I’d have to be fair though. Everything in life comes with its pros and cons. I learned a lot while battling with this disorder. I mean, A LOT.
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1. Be humble// to always be kind to people no matter how hard we feel like judging them for their situation. We never know what they’re going through. Always be kind. ❤️ It has been a very humbling experience, really.
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Art by @yourbeautifullife.
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2. Have courage// the one thing I notice growing up is, with the anxiety, I tend to avoid things that makes me uncomfortable, nervous, or scared. With all the treatments that I’ve been doing, they sort of coax me the deal with my fears (head on). Usually, I’ll find out that I’ve been exaggerating the fear in my mind as the problems aren’t as bad as I made it be.
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3. Be kind to yourself// my psychologist back in uni (I love her guyss 😍) told me, “If you wouldn’t say it to your friends, don’t say it to yourself…more than anyone else, you are your bestest friend. Think about it, you’re going to live with yourself for the rest of your life.”
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Hm. It stuck in my mind to this day. I have a choice––to keep living like I already did, torturing myself with all the negative thoughts, or, fight this anxiety. Stop the cruel, negative thoughts once and for all, and live a life where I allow myself to be happy.
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4. Trust your gut// for people with anxiety, we have a few voices in ourselves that makes us confused to which one we should listen to. This is different from auditory hallucination (i.e. schizophrenia). I figured this thing out quite recently and it makes my life soo much easier. You know the one inner voice that’s always honest with you? The voice which doesn’t exaggerate or minuscule a situation more or less than it actually is?
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The voice that sort of keep you sane? The voice that has been there to encourage you, to pick you up when you’re low, to tell you that something you’re doing is wrong. That’s the voice (or thought––whatever you want to call it) that you should put trust on. I only realise the existence of that honest gut feeling recently since the negative thoughts have been clouding it for quite some time now. But boy, was I glad I found it!
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I think there are a lot more about life that I am yet to learn from the anxiety. Really, God doesn’t put us in a situation that is beyond what He knows we can handle kan? 😊
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