walls [part one]

“I want you to stop taking the medication.”

“I’m worried about your future.”

“Have you done this..that..what about this.”

“It’s all on your head.”

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Please stop. Please. I understand that people are trying to help. However, worrying about someone with generalised anxiety disorder and letting her know that you’re “worrying” about her future and pummel her with all the worries, won’t help.

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As if people who have generalised anxiety disorder are not worried enough about their life. As if they haven’t thought about it enough during the sleepless nights. As if they can simply have those silent moments where they get rid of the deep thoughts about the things that are worrying them.

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Art from Bustle.com

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To be honest, the moments when I can be at peace  and have a bit of a silence of mind is when I’m performing the prayers and meditations. Even then, I would cry, pleading to Allah to take all the pain away, for him to take the worry away, to get me healthy again.

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It. Is. Exhausting.

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When we meet people who struggle with mental illness, we often won’t think that they’re struggling. It’s the usual, “..but you look so happy.” Don’t get me wrong. We aren’t pretending to be happy. If I’m smiling or having a good laugh, I genuinely feel that way. But for us, to embrace life with a big smile everyday costs us more effort than people without mental illness.

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Y’know, I think I need a hug. Haish. I’ll write more about this a bit later. Right now. I need to calm myself down. 😞

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